Grace Notes

Recently, we received a question from a mother who has a strained relationship with her adult children. She asked: “Any thoughts on how to build bridges, when older children really don’t want to have anything to do with us?”

We have received similar questions from other families over the years. We thought we’d share our thoughts for this mom as our newsletter article this month because we believe there are certain parenting mistakes that can be avoided, making estranged children much less likely.

Rebuilding relationships takes much prayer and humility. Often bitterness has taken root, and only the Lord can bring healing. We would encourage parents to humbly seek the Lord and ask Him to show them any specific ways they have hurt or failed their children, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

• We would suggest that parents prayerfully make a list of every offense they can remember – everything they did wrong and each specific event or situation. It could be times they were too harsh, punished unjustly, got angry, spoke unkind words, neglected needs, or acted in pride. They should even try to think back to the beginning, to the very youngest ages. Bitterness toward parents can begin very early in a child’s heart.  Parents should also list what they should have done differently, if they know.

• Then parents should arrange a talk with each of their kids, probably one on one.  We would suggest some time in prayer and fasting first. Maybe even a lengthy fast of one to three days. When this difficult talk occurs, parents must be utterly humble. They should ask forgiveness for ways they have failed as parents, absorb ALL the blame, and express true repentance. When expressing repentance, it is important for parents to be able to explain what their offense was, how it hurt their kids, and even how their kids must have felt. If parents are not able to express this, their kids will not believe that their parents truly understand.

• This is a hard assignment for both the parents and their children. Healing offenses takes courage, but mostly humility. Parents must listen and not be defensive. They should not give any explanation to justify themselves. They should simply acknowledge that they were wrong. And they should not expect any immediate response from their kids because forgiveness is just as hard as repentance and can take time to process.

This is not meant to be a formula, but an example of how humility may look in this situation. Great humility is the key!

Frequently, when we are asked for counsel in a situation like this, we find (or at least it’s our strong opinion) that the parents have been too strict. Not necessarily harsh, just strict. Too many rules. Too much oversight. Micromanagers.  (Of course, parents must protect and apply some limitations, but it should be done in a way that children understand and that focuses on the heart, not just the external actions.) When parents are their kids’ allies and best friends, the kids are willing to cooperate and agree that parents know best. But when the parents try to control through rules, the kids feel forced and become resentful.

Actually, it’s a little more complicated than that. Usually, one of the problems is that the parents don’t trust the kids, and that is the reason for all the rules. But it’s even deeper than that. Often the reason the kids aren’t trustworthy is because they have no desire to please their parents. And it gets deeper still. The reason they don’t desire to please the parents is often because they can’t. That is, the parents are never pleased (or at least the kids don’t feel that their parents are pleased). The parents seldom praise, but rather scrutinize everything. It’s difficult for the kids to be successful, so they stop trying. They soon see their parents as foes instead of friends.

All this usually starts at the youngest ages. Parenting requires gentle, loving teaching. As much as possible, parents need to see everything their kids do as wonderful. When the child misbehaves, the parents need to learn to see the various factors affecting the behavior – tiredness, pain, disappointment, etc. This will help the parents to be compassionate. Parents need to be an ally taking the child’s side. It’s human nature to like those who like you. This will be true for children as well. Of course, parents love their children, but children need to know that their parents really like them too. Parents must be their kids’ best friends and praise them as much as they can. Pleasing one’s parents is success for a child. Praise gives them this success.

Malachi 4:6 is a familiar verse about fathers and children. “And He will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers.”  Something about this verse that strikes us as significant is the order. First, the hearts of the fathers are turned to the children. Then, mentioned second (and I wonder if that means as a response), the hearts of the children are turned to the fathers. Whether that is the primary intended meaning of the verse or not, it nevertheless seems to us to be a true principle.

The buck stops with us as parents. We must assume responsibility. When we fail, we must be utterly humble. Meditate on how Christ has given you grace and modeled humility. Ask for God’s forgiveness and a fresh appreciation of grace in Christ!

“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (Jas. 4:6).

The most important thing we can do for our struggling children is to pray! The Prodigal Prayer Guide, written by parents of prodigals and former prodigals, is a resource we recommend to help your prayers be rooted in God’s Word. Remember, there is always hope! “With God all things are possible” (Matt. 19:26).

This article was written in our newsletter.  You can sign up for the monthly newsletters here

Jesus reprimanded the disciples who criticized Mary when she anointed Him shortly before the crucifixion, because they said that this expensive ointment could have been sold and given to the poor. He said, “Ye have the poor with you always, but Me ye have not always” (Mark 14:3-7).

There is a principle in this. There are other things we “have not always.”  I don’t want to avoid the main teaching of this verse which is our dedication to the Lord Jesus Christ. But I think it is helpful to encourage parents to apply this same principle to their children. Them we “have not always.” They grow up!

I need to point out that the important factor isn’t that we as parents no longer have the joy of these little ones running around our feet. That’s true, but not the main issue. The main concern is to teach, nurture, and invest during these young “run around our feet” years. Now is the time to invest, because “them we have not always.”

How should we invest in our children? I asked my wife this question and she rattled off this list faster than I could type.

• Incorporate them in everything you do and explain why and how you are doing it. In this way they learn how you think and why.
• Encourage them as often as you can. Be generous with your praise, letting them know how great they are doing. They need to know that you think they are the best kids in the world.
• As parents, talk highly about your kids to each other in their hearing. It’s important for them to know that their parents are pleased with them.
• Have a daily routine of being in God’s Word together as a family.
• Talk about God’s Word as part of your daily life. Share with them the things God is teaching you and how He has answered prayers.
• Be a good listener. Parents need to know what their kids are thinking and how they feel. Ask questions and listen. Explain but don’t lecture.
• Enjoy being with them. Consider them as your best friends and realize they need you as their best friend.
• Help them to develop their own convictions by explaining why your family makes specific decisions. Help them learn to discern between good and evil, and to see the consequences of sin or worldliness. This is one of the best ways to protect.
• Be willing to be humble and ask forgiveness when there is misunderstanding or friction, even if it is mostly the kid’s fault. It’s good when parents can absorb as much blame as possible. Parents must be the ones to show maturity.
• Remind them that the ultimate goal is to please God. Pray that they will be motivated, not by rules, but by a desire to please you and their Heavenly Father.
• If there is a problem between your child and someone else, take your child’s side as much as possible. You need to be their ally not their foe.
• Look for ways to expose them to godly influences through friendships, books, conferences, and hospitality.
• Let them see that your priority is to serve the Lord, and plan ministry things you can do together.

I’m sure each of you could add many more ideas to this list. Investing in our children takes time, intentionality, and much prayer. May the Lord give you wisdom and grace as you raise up the little ones in your care, making the most of each day because they grow up fast.

“Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children” (Deut. 4:9).

This article was written in our newsletter.  You can sign up for the monthly newsletters here

Thirty-six years ago my mom told me some shockingly wonderful news. She was expecting a baby! We had prayed for this baby for as long as I had remembered … but let me back up.

When my parents got married, they postponed having children for six years. My dad felt children would be a hindrance to his ministry … but he realizes now he was just scared and felt unprepared to be a father. After I was born, he had a change of heart. He realized that the Bible says children are a blessing from the Lord, and he was convicted for not believing this truth. He and my mom were excited to have many more children.

But then after a miscarriage and infertility, my parents were told they would never be able to have more children. They were heartbroken. My dad took it especially hard. He had postponed children for all of those years, and now it was too late. It wasn’t simply sadness, it was regret and repentance for not trusting God.

God provided Stephen, whom we adopted from Korea, and that’s another special story. Stephen has been a wonderful blessing to our family! But we never stopped praying for a miracle baby. In fact, my dad prayed something specific: “Lord, we don’t deserve another child. But if you give us grace, we will name her Grace.”

Just a few months later Mom told us the news about the baby on the way! Dad said, “It’s going to be a girl because you can’t name a boy ‘Grace’!”

In November of 1988 we were waiting and waiting for the baby to be born. Our doctor said, “I’m going out of town. I think we should induce labor so that the baby can be born before I leave.”

My parents agreed, but then my dad changed his mind. “This is a miracle baby. Let’s wait for God’s timing. Maybe the baby will be born on Thanksgiving Day!”

So my parents decided not to induce. It turned out that as soon as our doctor arrived back in town, my mom went into labor. Baby Grace was born on the Sunday before Thanksgiving.

The timing was very significant to my dad. He said, “Instead of bringing the baby on Thanksgiving, God brought her on the Sunday before Thanksgiving—the Lord’s day!”

This day has been a significant date for our family. In fact, instead of celebrating Grace’s birthday on November 20 (the actual date), we would celebrate it on the Sunday before Thanksgiving.

Many of you have probably heard this story before. But now there is an update to the story.

Grace has a beautiful, brand new baby! His name is Moses Harold, named after Josiah’s favorite Bible character (Moses) and our dad (Harold).

Here is the amazing part: little Moses was born on the Sunday before Thanksgiving!

This little boy, named after his grandfather, was born on the very day that holds special significance to his grandfather! It’s a day that reminds us all to trust God’s timing and God’s power!

Moses is a wonderful Christmas gift to our family this year! His birth is a reminder of another baby Boy, born at God’s perfect time, to save us all from sin. May each of us worship Him this Christmas season.

This article was written in our newsletter.  You can sign up for the monthly newsletters here

(By Sarah Hancock, adapted from Speak Truth in Your Heart)

A girl once shared with me that anytime she felt like a failure, she would begin to doubt God’s love for her. She knew that the Bible says God’s love is unconditional, yet she had a hard time actually believing this applied to her. Every time she messed up, her mind would take her to the same place: God doesn’t love me. It was a thinking pattern that had developed.

Do you have any ungodly or untrue thinking patterns that plague you? It could be thoughts of fear, blame, comparison, lust, jealousy, anxiety, or despair. It could be a negative way of thinking about a specific person who irritates you. It could be a lie you are believing about God or about yourself.

If we’re honest, I think we all struggle with these kinds of unbiblical thinking patterns. Some of them may have started when we were children. It is where our thoughts tend to go because of the pattern that we have developed.

It’s actually very interesting to study how our brains create connections called neural pathways. When we learn a new skill, such as tennis, playing the violin, or skiing, we call our progress “muscle memory.” Actually, it is not the muscles that learn, but the brain. Through repetition (as you practice the skill again and again), the brain is developing stronger connections between neurons and forming new neural pathways.

We could think of it as a path. If you walk on the same little foot path over and over, pretty soon it becomes a trail, then a road. The same thing happens in our brain.

Just like neural pathways are formed when learning a new skill, so also neural pathways are formed by the thoughts we think. If, for instance, we repeatedly think thoughts of blame or worry, it’s like taking the same path over and over. The more we think those thoughts, the more the brain will strengthen that pathway. Before we know it, it is a habit in our thinking.

In other words, our brains are actually changing based on what we think about most. At first this might sound discouraging, but it’s actually good news! It means we can change our thinking patterns. We don’t have to continue down these negative paths that trouble us. As we apply ourselves to changing our thoughts and replacing lies with truth, we can actually retrain our brain. We can develop new thinking patterns that build us up rather than tear us down.

There is more good news. While thinking our own positive thoughts may be helpful to a point, what is far more powerful is to think God’s thoughts, as found in His Word. The point is not simply that we are choosing to think positively instead of negatively. It’s that we’re speaking God’s Word to ourselves. That is one of the reasons that Scripture memorization is so important. When we memorize Scripture and quote it to ourselves throughout the day, we are forming new neural pathways. The more we think about Scripture, the more rooted it will be in our hearts and minds.

Can you identify a specific thinking pattern that you know the Lord wants you to change? Start by choosing one verse that combats the wrong thought and memorize it. Think about what it means and quote it to yourself throughout the day. Pray it to the Lord, quote it when you are tempted to start down a wrong path in your thinking, sing it to the Lord, and speak it out loud to others. As you abide in God’s Word, you will find that your mind will be renewed, and His truth will begin to impact your emotions, words, and actions as well (Rom. 12:1-2).

“Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly!” (Col. 3:16).

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer” (Ps. 19:14).

This article was written in our May 2024 newsletter.  You can sign up for the monthly newsletters here

(By Josiah Moffitt)

A few weeks ago, Grace sent me on a furniture expedition. These adventures start on Facebook Marketplace where she finds something she likes, and coordinates a pickup time. She then tells me how much money to bring, where to go, and when to be there.

I put an “Evidence for the Resurrection” gospel tract in my pocket and had a few ideas of how to start a gospel conversation with the man who was selling the furniture. When I arrived, I verified the condition of the chair and handed him the money. The man and I then spent a good number of minutes trying to get the large chair through the small front door. As we were loading it into the van, it started to rain.

“Oh no! I wonder if it will be raining too much for me to grill the chicken?” I thought as I hopped back into my van.

It wasn’t until I got home and felt the tract still in my pocket that I realized I had missed an opportunity for the gospel.

Ironically, I was preaching on the second part of John 4 that Sunday. The disciples returned from the Samaritan town of Sychar with food for Jesus, while the woman at the well was hurrying back into the town. Jesus tells them to open their eyes to the spiritual harvest. He says, “Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look on the fields, that they are white for harvest” (John 4:35). In that moment, as the disciples lifted up their eyes, I can just imagine them seeing a stream of people leaving Sychar following the woman at the well to come see Jesus.

Now, the disciples had just visited the same Samaritan city in search of food, but due to tensions between the Samaritans and Jews, they had most likely avoided interactions as much as possible. The disciples were there to get food and get out. In their focus on the physical, they had missed the hungry souls in need of a Savior right in front of them. The woman at the well saw the spiritual needs of her city and, as a result, “From that city many of the Samaritans believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified” (John 4:39).

Like the disciples, I am often distracted by the physical and miss the spiritual harvest. I pray that the Lord will keep my eyes open to the harvest right in front of me.

This article was written in our April 2024 newsletter.  You can sign up for the monthly newsletters here

Did you know that there is one Old Testament prophet whose story serves as a picture of the resurrection of Jesus? In preparation for Sunday, here’s a Bible study idea to do with your family.

When the Scribes and Pharisees asked Jesus for a sign, He said something very interesting: “An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. For just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth” (Matt. 12:39-40).

Family Discussion Questions:

1. Why did Jesus point to Jonah as a sign? Make a list together about how the events in the book of Jonah foreshadowed the life and ministry of Jesus. You can read Jonah 2 together for ideas.
2. Read Matthew 12:41. How is Jesus greater than Jonah?

Here is a list of ways that the prophet Jonah points to the One who is greater, Jesus:  

• In numerous places in the Bible we see that water represents God’s judgment (such as during the flood of Noah). Jonah was cast into the deep, to the lowest depths of sea (Jonah 2:3). Jesus endured the full judgment of God when He died on the cross for our sin (Isaiah 53:5-6).
• Jonah volunteered to be thrown into the sea to save the others in the boat (Jonah 1:12), Jesus volunteered to give up His life to save others (Heb. 10:7).
• Jonah called out in his distress (Jonah 2:2), Jesus called out to God in His agony on the cross, “Why have you forsaken me?” (Matt. 27:46).
• Jonah was “driven away from [God’s] sight” (Jonah 2:4), Jesus was driven away from God’s sight as pictured by the scapegoat in Leviticus 16:20-22.
• While in the fish, Jonah said, “Yet, I will again look upon your temple” (Jonah 2:4), Jesus foretold on many occasions that He would rise again (John 2:19).
• Jonah was in the fish for three days and three nights (Jonah 1:17). Jesus was in the grave for three days and three nights (Matt. 12:40).
• The fish could not hold Jonah, it vomited him out (Jonah 2:10). The grave could not hold Jesus! He was resurrected the third day.
• Jonah’s deliverance resulted in many Gentiles (all of Nineveh) turning to God. Because of Jesus’ resurrection, the gospel has gone out into all the world with myriads coming to Christ.

Most people know the story of Jonah being swallowed by a great fish, but many don’t think about the deeper sign that is pictured—pointing to Jesus rising from the dead.

This week as we celebrate the Resurrection, may we marvel in the depth of God’s plan, and the hope that we have because Jesus Christ lives!

This article was written in our March 2024 newsletter.  You can sign up for the monthly newsletters here

Grandpa is with the Lord  (By Sarah Hancock)

On January 12, my grandfather, David Rodgers, was called to his eternal home. He was 97 years old. Grandpa has been volunteering for Bright Lights for about 20 years. If you have ever placed an order on our online store, it was probably packed by Grandpa. He was determined to continue to serve the Lord as long as he possibly could! He was always so happy to serve in any way possible, even if it was doing a job that seemed small or insignificant. We miss him a lot, but we rejoice knowing that he is with the Lord, and we are so thankful the Lord gave us so many years with him!

On December 17, 2023 something special happened at our church. My grandpa stood up to speak during the sharing time at the first service. He didn’t usually share at this time, and it quickly became clear to everyone that he had a powerful message on his heart.

Grandpa read Psalm 24:7-9, “Lift up your heads, O you gates! And be lifted up, you everlasting doors! And the King of glory shall come in. Who is this King of glory? The Lord strong and mighty, The Lord mighty in battle. Lift up your heads, O you gates! Lift up, you everlasting doors! And the King of glory shall come in.”

Grandpa said, “The King of glory is our Lord Jesus Christ. It was during the three hours of complete darkness on the cross during which the greatest battle of all eternity took place. The battle against Satan. The battle in which Jesus took the punishment for our sins. Jesus won the battle—and on the third day He rose again.”

Grandpa spoke with passion and ended with his fist in the air, saying, “We will be with Him for all eternity because He won the battle—He is the Lord of Hosts.”

His talk was so powerful that on the way home from church, one lady said to her husband, “I think this was David’s last Sunday.” She didn’t say this because he was sick, but because his talk was so impactful to everyone present. It felt like his final message.

Her words proved to be true. Two days later Grandpa came down with the flu, and he never made it to church again. This indeed was his last message—and what an important final message from Grandpa to remain in our hearts: Jesus Christ has won the battle. He is the Lord of Hosts.

Grandpa’s memorial service on February 3rd was a wonderful time of remembering his life and reflecting on God’s faithfulness. After the memorial service, many people shared with us about how impacted they were by Grandpa’s life of faithfulness to the Lord. You can watch the memorial service here. (Stephen reads the obituary at the beginning, and the sharing from the family begins at 21:00.) 

This article was written in our February 2024 newsletter.  You can sign up for the monthly newsletters here